Stage Fright
Caamp at Red Rocks July 14, 2021 (Photo: Ben Meier)
When I got the call to join Caamp in May of 2021, I quit my writing job. I practiced and studied the catalogue for two or three hours a day. I set up a few lessons with some of my favorite drummers. At the time, I wasn’t really interested in picking up new techniques, or increasing my speed or stamina. I wanted tips and tricks to overcome stage fright. I was nervous.
The second and third gigs of my first proper tour took place at a sold-out Red Rocks Amphitheatre in Morrison, Colorado. Anyone would be nervous – but I was putting a lot of extra pressure on myself. I wanted to nail it. I wanted to secure the gig, and the shows on the Rocks started to become more of a monster than a beautiful night of music to enjoy with my friends. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my feelings before and after those shows.
Aside from the drumming, my preparation for the first tour consisted of daily meditation and exercise. I needed to ground myself and focus on the current moment. I wanted to stop daydreaming about the upcoming shows (thinking ahead only made the impending dates more daunting). I was doing my best to rein in my emotions and treat these gigs like any other. I’ve done this before – it can’t be all that different!
Our two dates in Colorado were stressful, but overall, they were very similar to the next 15-20 shows I played with Caamp. The inevitable adrenaline rush often left me exhausted and unable to recall most of our time on stage. My bandmates assured me that things were going well.
My experience on stage is best described on a spectrum from “worst show anxiety ever” to “most chill performance of all time.”
It’s been a little over a year since those first shows. I have changed a lot about how I view my position in the band and in the world. Most shows fall near the neutral zone of my newly designed Stage Fright Spectrum™. The more comfortable I get, the more often I can focus on performing to the best of my ability, and the fright-o-meter edges ever closer to “most-chill.”
We returned to Red Rocks for two headline shows last week, and my experience was vastly different. I found myself smiling more. I was deliberately looking around and soaking up my surroundings. I played with a confidence that I didn’t have before, and I’m very proud of that progress.
I attribute this new-found comfort to time spent behind the kit and a consistent meditation routine. Before every show, I take 10-15 minutes to myself to meditate, stretch, and breathe.
The goal is to remind myself that…
Even though I’m on stage, it isn’t about me.
The collective experience we share for a night of music is about more than one person or one band.
After the show, the world will keep spinning (so far, so good).
It’s bigger than me, and I’m just happy to be a part of it.